We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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