You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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