people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
