You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
