I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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