i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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