I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
