Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
