I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
