His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
