you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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