Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
