I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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