i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
