Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
