My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
