it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
