he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
