We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
