every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
