Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Randomize
