If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this boner is exhausting
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
