Don't you send me to vm
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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