Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
