her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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