i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
