On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
