now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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