I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
