Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
