a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
