I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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