One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
