Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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