Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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