I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
