NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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