Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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