It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
