drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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