She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
