I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
