He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
