oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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