I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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