how can u be prego again
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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