9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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