help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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