How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
