We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
