if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
