Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
