If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
