If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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